


How Not To Cook An Apple Pie

by Aconissa



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cooking, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 12:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1510097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aconissa/pseuds/Aconissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To celebrate the one year anniversary of the Battle of the Five Armies, the Company have dinner together. Kili bets that he and his brother can replicate the incredible desserts that Bilbo has made for it - every one else bets that they can't. So, of course, they have to try.<br/>Pretty much just fluff and food and Fili and Kili being ridiculous, as always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not To Cook An Apple Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Purple_Archer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Purple_Archer/gifts).



> (Late) birthday gift to a close friend of mine. This is my first time writing for the Hobbit fandom so comments/crit/kudos would be fantastic!  
> Next chapter to come hopefully soon.  
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://aconissa.tumblr.com/)

Seated at the head of a grand oak table, Thorin Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, King Under the (reclaimed) Mountain, silently watched each member of his Company seated around him. A year had passed since the Battle of the Five Armies – a now legendary event, which just that day had been celebrated with a great fair for the people of the mountain city, and later a more solemn ceremony to honour those who had died. Now, of course, the King was able to commemorate this day in a more private setting: a dinner with the twelve dwarves and one hobbit he had journeyed with.

Said hobbit was seated directly beside him, holding his hand atop the table and wearing the traditional circlet of the Royal Consort. Whilst reconstructing the city and repopulating it with dwarves from the other kingdoms, the King and the Burglar had finally realised their ‘disgustingly obvious and embarrassingly prolonged’ attraction to each other – or so Balin, the chief advisor, had put it. A wedding ceremony had followed shortly after, attended by dwarves, elves, men, hobbits, a huge skin-changer, and a wizard or two.

Bilbo was now not merely a Baggins of Bag-End, but a Baggins of Erebor – a more distinguished title, many would say, though the population of the Shire would perhaps disagree. But this hobbit was happy, all the same, and gladly accepted his role on the council as ‘cultural mediator’ (a role which he had created himself, as he realised very soon that dwarves were not the most adept beings at polite and peaceful negotiations with other races).

The rest of the Company had been given first choice of whatever position they may want – though Bofur was warned on several occasions that no, he could not be President of Shenanigans. He had grudgingly agreed to be Musical Advisor and Royal Composer. Each had happily chosen their own niche within the kingdom, some with fairly strenuous positions (such as Dwalin, Captain of the Guard) and others more peaceful (like Bifur, Royal Artisan). Once their families had arrived with the first wave of new citizens, the Company had settled down comfortably, each given their own rooms in the Royal quarter.

Thorin came out of his reverie, listening to the conversation he had partly missed. Oin was regaling the group with some of the incredible remedies the Mirkwood elves had shared with him and his student healers, including a salve to lessen the bruising process.To the King’s side, Bilbo was discussing Erebor’s library with Ori, who had been cataloguing it when he was not needed as Scribe. Thorin gleaned from their conversation that some Sindarin scrolls had been found, and that Bilbo was organising to have some of Thranduil’s elves help him translate them. _Mahal,_ more _elves in my kingdom? This is becoming an epidemic._

‘Kili, please slow down,’ Balin called over the table. Thorin looked to his youngest nephew, grimacing at the sight of the young dwarf stuffing his face with apple pie.

The brunette gave an almighty swallow. ‘But it’s delicious! It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted!’ He emphasised this statement by shoving a whole chunk into his mouth.

‘Good thing you cooked so many, Bombur,’ Fili called to the dwarf, eating his slices at a more sedate pace.

‘No, I only did the savouries lad. Bilbo did the desserts,’ he replied, nodding towards the hobbit in question.

Most of the Company looked towards Bilbo impressed, perhaps remembering a certain night in a certain hobbit-hole so long ago.

‘Can’t you do apple pie, Bombur?’ Nori said teasingly. The large dwarf huffed.

‘I can do pies better than you at any rate, _Mr_ _Spymaster_.’ The group chuckled.

Bofur’s lilting voice rose above the din. ‘Well thank Mahal that Bilbo doesn’t cook often, or you two would be the size of trolls.’ He gestured to the princes.

Kili gave an indignant squawk, but Thorin spoke before he could reply. ‘It’s truly best that we do not share your talents,’ he directed at Bilbo, squeezing the hobbit’s hand. ‘If we could all cook like you, we’d never fit in the council chamber.’

‘It can’t be _that_ difficult,’ the older prince said.

‘Yeah! Fili and I could do it,’ his younger brother continued. Bilbo gave an incredulous laugh.

‘Really? The two of you? In a kitchen? You’d barely be able to measure the flour before you set the workbench on fire.’

‘I bet you my bronze dagger that we could.’

‘Kili, you _broke_ your bronze dagger,’ Fili cut in.

He paused. ‘Oh yeah.’

Dwalin laughed. ‘Tell you what, lad. I’ll let you both out of your next 3 training sessions if you each manage to cook one of the desserts on this table.’ The other dwarves chuckled disbelievingly.

‘You’re on,’ said the youngest prince. I’ll make an apple pie and Fili…’

‘I’ll cook a bread and butter pudding,’ the blond finished, nodding to the dish in front of him.

‘You can have free reign in the kitchens tomorrow,’ Bombur said, ‘but if you destroy anything you’ll be eating turnips for weeks.’

Bilbo smirked. ‘And I’ll give you the recipes. But what do we get when you lose?’

‘ _If_ we lose,’ Fili growled.

‘ _If_ that happens, then you will both have a month of lessons on diplomatic behaviour,’ Thorin said seriously. ‘Perhaps I can finally make proper heirs out of you.’

‘Never!’ Kili shouted, resulting in uproarious laughter from around the table when he seemed to realise what he had said.

Thorin groaned. ‘This will not end well.’


End file.
